According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 47% of the U.S. population (just over 117 million people) are currently single (Source). Out of that 117 million, nearly 3 out of 10 adults say they use or have used Online Dating apps. That’s 35 million people, and 35 million reasons to get online and give it a try.

But where do you start? It can’t be as simple as throwing a photo on Tinder and swiping ’til you get a hit can it? Well, sure it can… but not if you want to meet the man of your dreams. If you’re looking to meet a quality partner that can lead to a long-term, fulfilling relationship, it takes some prep work.

With that said, if you’re looking for fun, fast paced encounters and “dating around” casually ( no judgement here – you do you, boo!) then these tips can help you out also, just be safe and be upfront about your intentions and about your own comfort level. Gen Z individuals and Millenials have adopted more of a casual approach to dating than older generations, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everybody.

It’s important to know yourself and honour your own relationship goals rather than hopping on the bandwagon, because truthfully, casual no-strings attached encounters aren’t for everyone. If you are someone who becomes attached to somebody after becoming intimate (which, scientifically, most women do [source]), then this dating style can be very harming to your self worth and can be very unhealthy. Don’t do anything that you don’t feel brings out the best in you. Dating should be an exciting, liberating and positive experience, not something that leaves you feeling less-than.

Before we get into the goods, we MUST discuss the number one rule, and that is to BE SAFE.

CLICK HERE for more information about Online Dating Safety & Romance Scams

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Okay, let’s get into the meat & potatoes.

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1. Choose the right site/app

Choosing the right site is detrimental to finding success with online dating. Paid sites are commonly considered to be among the most successful when looking for long-term relationships because users show more intention and commitment, rather than the free sites that can be used by anyone- for anything. When someone invests money into their dating efforts, it typically* means that they are more serious about finding well, something serious. Tinder has been labeled the “hookup” site, and other free dating sites make less effort to weed out the duds. Married men looking for affairs, and single men looking for random hookups don’t usually* use paid sites. According to Consumer Rankings, as of Jan 15, 2024 these sites are ranked to be the best Online Dating Sites.

The Top 3 Recommended Dating Sites:

#1. eharmony : personality-based matching/ easy signup/ for long-term relationships
#2. match.com : in-person single mixers / large membership base / easy to use
#3. Silver Singles : romance with 50+ / simple to use / attentive customer support

The 3 Not Recommended Dating sites:

#1. Tinder
#2. Facebook Dating
#3. Plenty Of Fish

* disclaimer: I am not liable if you meet a married man through a paid dating site. While the above averages to be true, I cannot atest to the habits and motivations of every man in the world. Some dudes can be dogs, and I am not saying they won’t take drastic measures to keep their actions on the low-key, but typically, paid site members have better intentions for serious relationships. Always trust your gut and refer to the Online Dating Safety section.

2. Know Your Intentions – Show Your Intentions

This one is so simple, yet so underrated. Are you looking for a serious relationship? Say so! Are you looking to make a friend with NO benefits, say so! Are you looking to have a fun night of sex and then never hear from them again? Invest in some condoms and say so(safe sex is hot sex)! Women tend to be afraid of showing their intentions for a monogamous, long term relationship and select “Nothing Serious” or “Seeking casual” and then becoming frustrated and angry when they open their inbox to find 20 🍆 pics.

I had a conversation about this with a close friend once when she mentioned to me that she seemed to keep “attracting” f-boys. I asked to check out her dating profile and within seconds I pointed out 2 main reasons why. The first: Her dating profile was set to ‘Looking for: Nothing Serious’. I asked her about this and she said that she didn’t want to seem desperate by stating her true intentions. Let me tell you this ladies: It’s not desperate to say what you want! It’s honest, it’s sexy, it’s confident, and it’s how you get what you want! A man who is looking for a serious commitment is looking for a person who is ALSO looking for a serious relationship. The same applies if you’re not. Don’t say you’re looking for something serious if you’re not because you can essentially be hurting a lot of feelings and confusing someone who is.

The second fault I found in my friends profile was her profile picture, as it goes hand in hand with showing your intentions, unfortunately. My friend looked BANGING in her tiny, string bikini that she wore in Mexico last summer, but here, In Canada, where the ground is covered in snow and everyone is wearing parkas (not actually, but close), her BANGIN’ body looks, how do I say this, straight up bang-able. Do you understand what I’m trying to say here. Modesty is key when it comes to selecting your profile picture and when looking for a serious relationship online. I’m not saying you should throw on a Mumu, just be conscious of the image you are portraying and that it matches your intentions. So what photo should you choose? That brings me to my next point:

3. Choose your best 8/10 picture*

Hear me out. A co-worker of mine used to tell me she would use her “Good” pictures for her dating app, not her “Great” photos. Her theory was that when she met a man in person, they almost always told her she looked better in person, and her success rate in getting asked for a second date was almost 100% (aside from personality conflicts). Men rate their number one reason for not having a successful first date as: She didn’t look like her online pictures. There, I said it. It might be hard to hear, but it’s the truth.

DO NOT pick your photoshopped, filtered, perfectly angled, barely recognizable “best” photo of you to use as your profile picture. Be honest with yourself and be honest with your potential mates. Besides, what are your intentions in doing so otherwise?? Sure, you may rake in hundreds of “matches” and messages, but they aren’t messaging with YOU, they’re messaging the unrealistic and unattainable on a day-to-day version of you (unless you walk around with a filter on you, a special effects and lighting team nearby, only ever standing with your “good side” towards someone). Maybe you think you can ‘win’ them over on the date and they’ll forget that you used a photo from 8 years (and 37lbs) ago. They might, but more often than not they won’t and they’ll be upset for feeling “duped” and you won’t get that chance to show them how amazing you really are.

The truth is ladies, you DON’T NEED ALL THAT! Just be yourself. You may think you’re only an 8 without all the extra fluff, but you are already a 10/10!!! Even at 37lbs more, that’s just 37lbs more of you to love. Choose a photo that best represents what you look like, naturally, in your every day kinda way, because THAT is what you will look like when you’re dating someone. For the record, I’m not saying you should go makeup free if you wear makeup, (But if you DO go makeup free, make sure to check out this article: Embracing Your Natural Beauty) or you should throw on sweats because you work from home and that’s what you wear mostly. Make an effort, brush your hair, look nice, SMILE, and take a flattering photo of yourself- just don’t start wearing 5 sets of magnetic lashes (if you don’t already) and throwing seven different filters on your photos, and please, STOP posting 18 pictures of yourself from the same angle, making the same face, with just a different background! Instead,

4. Showcase Your Hobbies/Lifestyle

You should use between 3-5 photos on your dating profile to showcase a) what you look like, and b) what you like to do. If you like to travel, throw in a picture of you on one of your vacations (once again though, save the string bikini for the ‘Spring Break’ photo album), if you spend a lot of times with your girlfriends, throw one of those pictures on there- just don’t make it your main photo. Men have stated that their second most frustrating factor when online dating is women that choose group photos are their main photo. They want to know who they’re looking at!
Are you a huge dog person? Post a picture with your dog. Are you a cake queen? Throw in a photo of you having fun and baking a cake. You get the idea.

What you shouldn’t do is just as simple:
Don’t post only head shots. 1 or 2 is enough to decipher what you look like and they don’t say much else about you other than “here’s my face again.”
Don’t post pictures of your children. Stating you have kids is fine and encouraged (again, it’s all about being honest), but it’s unsafe and unnecessary to include them in online dating photo’s.
Don’t look so miserable. Seriously, smile!
Don’t use old photo’s. Pictures should all be within a year old. If you don’t have any recent photo’s- take some! Or call in a friend for a photoshop and have some fun with it.
Don’t use other peoples photos. Its called catfishing, and it’s not cool. Don’t ever do this.
Stick with photos that showcase your hobbies and lifestyle and when you:

5. Write your profile to describe what you DO want- not what you DON’T want

Nobody likes a Negative Nancy, and when you go on and about all your dislikes, you give off a negative vibe.
Rather than saying you’re ‘not looking for hookups’, say you’re ‘looking for a committed relationship’.
Don’t say you ‘don’t date someone with kids’, say you ‘lavish in a child-free lifestyle’.
Instead of saying you ‘don’t date smokers’, say you ‘enjoy a smoke free environment’.
Turn your ‘I’m not looking for a murderer’ into ‘I love to not be killed on dates’…
You get the idea. Even the most negative of terms can be stated in a positive light.
Have some fun with this. Don’t write a short novel. A paragraph or two is fine. If you’re sassy, throw in some sass. If you’re not, don’t, because it’ll sound ingenuine. If you have a close trusted friend, ask them to proof-read your profile before you post it and ask them if it represents who you are.

“I love to travel and am looking for somebody with the time and freedom to see the world with me!”
“As somebody who loves to cook, I’m interested in finding a partner who loves to eat (haha) and try new things.”
” I’m somewhat of a board game geek! As much as I like to go out for a night on the town once in awhile, I equally enjoy staying in, eating some snacks and playing some bard games.”

All of those examples state what you like, and give your potential future husband something to comment on when they reach out to you! “Oh, you like to travel? Where was your favourite place to visit?”or “Where is somewhere you’ve always wanted to go and why?”
“I love to eat! LOL. What’s your favourite type of cuisine to cook?”
“I see you like board games! I am considered the King of Catan amongst my friends. What’s your favourite game to play?”

It keeps you more likely to receive quality messages and helps you to:

6. Avoid the Horrible “Hey”

I could be wrong, but I don’t know of ANY great love stories that started with an online “hey”. It’s awful, it’s lazy, it’s uninviting, it’s just plain old something you should never do! I know people struggle with starting a conversation online with somebody they’re interested in, but this should never, EVER, be your fallback plan. The same goes for “How are you?” “What are you doing?” “What’s up?” and anything equally as vague and stab-your-eyes-out provoking. This is the reason why: when do you EVER say anything other than “good, and you?” when someone asks how you are? Can you just imagine? ‘How are you?’, ‘well I’m glad you asked. I just had to take my cat in to the vet because of his dandruff again, and the bill was crazy expensive and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make my car payment this month because of it!’ Doesn’t really scream ‘TAKE ME ON A DATE’, does it? The same goes for “What’s going on?” and “What’s up?”. You say: “Not much and you?” Those questions are fillers and they don’t get you anywhere with someone.

When reaching out to someone for the first time, and ladies, it’s okay to do that, or responding to a “hey” (if you must!) simply do the following:

1. Introduce yourself: “Hi, I’m Candy..”
2. Comment on something you saw or read on their profile: “… and I loved the picture of you with the dog!”
3. Relate to it: “I’m a bit of a dog person myself. In fact, in my spare time I volunteer at the local dog shelter.”
4. Ask a question (use your personality style): “Is it yours, or did you just borrow it for the photo? :P” (sassy and cute) OR “What’s it’s name? I always find it funny when dogs have human names.”

Simple, to the point, and something to respond to. By initiating it this way you’ve achieved 2 things. 1) You’ve shown interest without being too invested if it doesn’t go anywhere, and 2) You appear confident and have opened up the possibility of a conversation.

From here, you WAIT for a response. And if all goes well, you’re having a conversation with someone. Oh the potential!!

7. Don’t become Pen-pals

So you’ve been texting for 3 months, you know this persons every detail: Their favourite shade of blue, their grade 1 teacher, their every move of every single day, and now it’s time to meet!

NO!! STOP! That was a test, and you failed!

The problem with waiting FOREVER to meet somebody is that it doesn’t matter if you text them for a month, or a year, physical chemistry is just that, PHYSICAL. Don’t invest 3 months of your precious time “getting to know” somebody through messaging. Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, first broke down the components of conversation. He found that communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and 7% words only. When you’re texting with somebody, you’re only getting a 7% glimpse of who they are.

2 weeks is the perfect amount of time to have a little conversation with somebody before you set up a meeting. But FIRST,

8. Call me, maybe

I could have avoided SO MANY horrible dates if I had done this right off the hop. Hold on.. I know what you’re thinking: ‘You’re telling ME, to talk to a complete stranger- ON THE PHONE? No, no, no. I don’t even talk to my best friend on the phone!’ , and I’m telling you, I get it. But, you’re thinking of going to go on a date with this person…which involves talking… and you’re going to know within the first ten minutes if you’re interested or not. Guess what happens then? You have to fake-smile your way through the date until you receive your fake “emergency” phone call, or fake laugh at their jokes until you fake-up an excuse to leave. Either way, it’s all fake and you could have avoided it all if you just picked up the phone.

So, maybe you are not a phone person? Maybe they’re not either. That’s okay, because this isn’t necessarily about the conversation. No, this is about bringing this persons pictures and conversation to life. Since we just learned above that 7% of communication is words only, and 38% is vocal, let’s get you 45% better prepared for your date. Hearing somebodys voice brings all prior contact with them to life. Maybe his beard and dark, mysterious eyes had you imagining a deep, raspy, Batman-esque voice. Everything he typed out sounded sexy and intriguing. Then you get on the phone, and he sounds like Beavis (yes, from Beavis and Butt-head) and everything he says is some kind of joke. The context of your messages comes to life suddenly. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to initially write him off (unless, of course, you get a bad vibe or a gut feeling- always trust your gut.) , it just better prepares you for your date and what to expect.

How do you pull this off? Call when you “don’t really have time to talk”. Try this: “Hey! I’m just running to the store to grab some stuff for dinner, what was that ingredient you told me about the other day?” or “I’m just headed to the movies with some friends. What was that movie you said you just saw and was it any good?”. Or you can even try “Hi, sorry I’m just on my work break. I know you mentioned loving country music so I was going you could help me out with the name of this song. It’s driving me crazy!” In all of these scenarios, you’ve stated that you only have moments to talk, you’ve asked a question, and you’re giving yourself a chance to hear them out- literally.

9. No to dinner, yes to Coffee

The time has come. You’ve messaged for a bit and have a general idea of this persons hobbies and interests, you’ve heard their voice and it didn’t scare you off. It’s time to plan your date- Kinda.

When you’re meeting a person for the first time, you should handle it as just that- a meeting. Save the “date” , ie dinners and movies and such, for the second time around, after you’ve had the chance to suss them out a bit. Always meet in a public space, and stay public.

A coffee meet-up is the perfect amount of time to get the initial meeting out of the way. (Or ice cream, or an apple juice, whatever! The point is to keep it brief). It’s not a huge commitment financially, it can be done in 20 minutes if you’re not feeing it, OR, it can be extended to a walk in the park if you ARE interested. However, you should try to keep first meetings to a maximum of 1hr. First date nerves are a thing and can be overwhelming, and 30 mins to an hour gives you a good idea of each other, but keeps them wanting to learn more, which equals future dates. Suggest a local coffee shop when you have a 30min – 1hour window, whether it be a lunch break, or Sunday afternoon before your family dinner, etc . Even if you don’t have other plans, you have an out if you need it. (This isn ‘t really lyyyyiiing… it’s being safe. Or better yet, ACTUALLY have something lined up). Meet them there (you should always arrive separately when meeting for the first time), and when your 30mins is up, you can deicide that ‘your lunch break’ is over, and offer up your phone number or accept a future date, if asked.

Don’t be bummed if you don’t get asked on that second date right away, as some men need time to reflect on the date and determine whether they want to see you again, and you should do the same thing. If it’s a hard no for you, do yourself and them a favour and politely let them know, if asked. Ghosting is not cool, so let’s be adults here about this. If you’re on the fence about it, consider maybe giving it a second chance. Relationship Experts typically make they’re clients commit to at least 3 dates because nerves and first date jitters can really get in the way of being yourself. If you had a good time and you’d like to continue on to an actual date, don’t be afraid to shoot them a quick “I had a great time meeting you today and look forward to seeing you again.” Then you wait…

10. Getting the second date invite

While you’re on the date, there are a few key things to remember.

1. Have fun. Seriously though, loosen up a bit, relax your nerves and just try to have fun. Your goal isn’t to make this person like you, so STOP focusing on that.You’re simply two people who are hanging out and seeing if they enjoy each others company. Simple.
2. Ask questions, and LISTEN. People tend to have this habit where they ask a question, and then tune out what the there person is saying, and are just thinking of what they are going to say, next. Conversation should be a back and fourth dance. Ask the question, listen, comment in inquire further on what you just heard.
3. Three’s a crowd. This is NOT the time to talk about your ex or ask them about theirs. You’re getting to know this person, not their ex.
4. Smile! Smile, lean in, playfully touch their arms. If you’re enjoying your company, these are subtle ways to let them know it.
5. Leave something for date #2. Don’t tell this person your entire life story in 30 minutes. Leave them some breadcrumbs that allure to so much more and you are guaranteed to keep them intrigued.
6. Let them ask you out. It’s okay to say you had fun and are open to seeing them again, but then leave it to them. Don’t message repeatedly asking for a second date, and if another 2 weeks go bye and you haven’t been asked out again (unless their gone away for work, etc), then take it as a hint and stop putting as much effort into it.

The truth is, you may find yourself drinking a whole lot of coffee over the next little bit, and that’s okay, because it’s a small commitment in the scheme of things. When looking for The One, the most important thing to do is to KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN. Don’t put all your eggs into one basket, especially if you haven’t even had your first meeting. Talk to others, if for nothing more, to get comfortable communicating online and be open to meeting someone that’s not particularly “your type” ( how’s that type working out for ya, anyways??), but don’t settle for the first person that comes your way because you because don’t want to be alone. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’ll be well worth it when you cross the finish line and win yourself a first place, long-term, committed relationship. Cheers!